Friday, May 28, 2010

Its nice to meet you. My name is JJ, and I wear panties...

OK, first let me introduce myself. My name is JJ. I am a 26 year old guy living in the south. I am engaged to a wonderful woman, and just bought my first home. I'm a recent college grad who just started my career with a fantastic company. Life is great. By all accounts, I'm your typical American guy. But like most people, I have aspects of my personal life which are just that… personal. There are certain things in my life that I don't want my friends, family, and coworkers to know about. One of them is something that I am dying to get out, so I thought where would be a better place than on the internet. A worldwide audience who I don't have to fear criticism from, and I don't have to worry about being judged from. Online, I can get honest feedback from a wide variety of people, without worrying about people I interact with daily thinking any differently of me.

So here is my deep dark secret… I enjoy wearing womens clothes. WHEW. That feels good to say (Or at least type, for now). It started last Halloween. My fiance and I decided to dress up for Halloween, as we usually do. We went for a couples theme. Only I played the female role, and she played the male role. We really went all out. I wore a dress, pantyhose, 5 1/2 platform stiletto heels, a wig, and she did my make up. Eyeliner, mascara, blush, lipstick, painted nails, the whole shebang. And yes, when I say all out, I mean all out. I also wore a bra (stuffed or course!), and yes even panties (it was a tight dress, so I wore a thong ). That night was great. We had so much fun. I even won some money in a costume contest! I got some funny looks that night, but hey, it was Halloween. Mostly people just laughed saying "Wow, I can't believe you're wearing that!" Afterward, we came back home, and that’s when I realized something. I was actually sad that the night was over. I really didn't want it to end. I had so much fun being a girl for the night. I told my fiance how much fun I was having, and we ended up taking it to the bedroom. I won't go into too much detail here, but we ended up having the most intense, mind-blowing sex we've ever had, and I was "in character" the whole time. The next morning, I scrubbed off the nail polish, finsihed taking off the makeup, and hung up my heels. I figured it was fun for the night, but time to get back to reality, and playing my role as a man. Maybe we'll try that again some other Halloween.

Over the course of the next few weeks, I couldn't stop thinking about that night. About how much fun I had being a girl. It wasn't that I didn't like being a guy. I love taking 5 minutes to get ready, standing when I pee, and not being an emotional train-wreck once a month. But I really enjoyed being able to be someone else. I enjoyed taking on the alternate persona. Especially the physical aspects. No, scratch that. ONLY the physical aspects. The clothes, the shoes, the makeup. That part I enjoyed. I wanted that part of the experience again. So I gave in. I went back to the dresser, dug to the back where I put away my halloween "costume," and got dressed. I didn't go all out like last time. I put the on the panties, bra, pantyhose, heels, and dress. The wig had been thrown out, and I didn't bother with the makeup. So there I stood, dressed for the town, but looking like a guy in a dress. Several emotions and thoughts were running through my mind. First was sheer ecstacy in the feeling of the clothes. I loved the soft materials and the tight fitting clothes. But that wasn't the only thing I liked. I also like feeling like a girl again. What was going on with me? This leads to my second emotion, fear. Was something wrong with me? Did I become gay? Can you "become" gay at all? No, surely not. Was I always gay, and just now finding out? No, I wasn't gay, and I wasn't bi. I had not the least desire to be with a man. To be honest, I've said for years that I don’t see how women are attracted to men. We're hairy, smelly, clumsy, and a laundry list of other things that I never understood how they put up with. No, I wasn't gay. Next came shame. I was ashamed at myself for having this "freakish" desire. Who does this? Weirdo's, that’s who. And finally came acceptance. I thought to myself, "They're just clothes. What does it matter? The clothes don't make the man, the man makes the clothes," yada-yada. So I finally decided that I wasn't hurting anyone else, so lets just see how this plays out. I kept the clothes on for a while, and just enjoyed wearing them around the house for a while. I took them off before my fiance came home, and she never knew about my little experience.

Now I know what you're thinking. How could I run around behind my fiance's back like this. I agree completely. We have a very open and honest relationship, and I had no intention of changing that. I just wanted to make sure this was something that I was serious about experimenting with further if I was going to tell her about it. "Honey, I like dressing like a woman" isn't something you can just un-say if it doesn't go well. So after experimenting a few more times over the next few weeks, I sat her down for a talk. I didn't tell her that I had been wearing womens clothes around the house while she wasn't home. But I did tell her that ever since Halloween, I have really wanted to experiment with dressing up again. She was a little concerned, but pretty supportive. We talked for a while, discussing what could have brought this on, repressed childhood memories, etc. At the end of the conversation, we didn't really have any answers, but she was really supportive and just said that its just clothes, so whats the big deal. She is truly my entire world, and I love her with everything I have. This made me realize it even more.

So since then, I occasionally dress up. Its usually just panties and pantyhose under sweats or shorts around the house. Sometimes I wear a skirt, and sometimes a dress. She is OK with the clothes, but a little wierded out by the makeup, so I stay away from that. And I figure that if they makeup bothers her, a bra probably would too. But in her defense, I haven't really pushed that enough to know if she would be OK with it or not. I just don't want to make her uncomfortable. I have expanded my wardrobe a little. I have several pairs of panties, mostly thongs and bikini briefs, and a few dresses/skirts. It kind of comes in phases. A couple days will go by where I have a strong desire to dress, and then a few days will go by where I don't even think about it. The sex is still amazing when I'm dressed. Its good when I'm not dressed too, but its really 3X better when I'm dressed, and that goes for both of us.

I don't have any desire to dress in public. I know people will have a hard time with it, and I will get lots of stares, laughs, and comments. I don't want to push that onto other people, and I don't want their reactions either. The only person in the world I care about sharing this with is her. But I do feel like I'm living a secret sometimes, so I thought this blog would be a great way for me to share that secret with others, without "Going public." While I don't have any desires to go in public, I do have the desire to look as much like a woman as possible. I want to wear nail polish, a wig, a bra, and makeup. I want to be able to "pass" as a woman, but I don't want to actually "pass" TO anyone. Just myself. So needless to say, its been a bit confusing for me lately. I also have the desire to wear panties much more often. Not the whole female appearance, just the undergarments. Lately, I have been wearing panties and pantyhose under my work clothes some days. I just find them to be more comfortable. This is something that I've found through research on the internet, is actually not all that uncommon. LOTS of guys prefer to wear womens panties instead of mens underwear. Mens underwear is stiff, bunches up, and is just plain awkward. And who wouldn't like the feel of smooth legs rubbing against their pant legs??? LOL.

So there I am. JJ. 26 year old straight, engaged, "normal" guy, who likes to crossdress. Wow. It feels good to actually get that out. So here is what I thought I would do… If this blog has held your interest long enough to get to this point, post something. Reply with whatever you want… comments, questions, concerns, whatever. Just something to let me know that I didn't waste half of my morning typing something that nobody will ever read. This is my first blog ever, anywhere, about anything, so I don't really know what to expect. If I get some replies to this blog, just something to let me know people are reading it, I'll keep blogging. Feel free to ask any questions that you may have. It would be so nice to actually get to talk to someone about this, who I don't have to worry about crossing the line with. Thank you for reading.